Confession. My food was messy last week. It all started with a birthday in the house on Sunday and a cake that sat on the counter all week long. I had a small piece at the party, but I don’t eat cake as a rule because it triggers more eating for me. As it sat on the counter minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day all. week. long… I was able to say no to it about a million times, but at long last I did “sneak some bites” here and there. It wore me down slowly. Actually, when I finally did eat bites in secret off a knife’s edge, it was stale, but I didn’t care. Gross. I’m disappointed in myself. Then there was a birthday party on Saturday where I ate two pieces of cake. I couldn’t decide which one to have (normally I don’t eat cake, but too late) so I had a half of each piece. Top if off with a burrito yesterday, including a white tortilla (which I also don’t eat anymore, but why stop now…) If I were completely honest, there was a See’s candy or two in there, a few too many Mexican egg rolls, and just too much food all around. Let’s just say, this morning in the sink of my soul, there are a lot of dirty dishes.
Plus, my body feels horrible. I took a food sensitivity test about 6 months ago and I know many of the foods I over used last week cause an inflammatory reaction for me. Why am I surprised my eyes are watery, my face itches, I feel bloated, sneezy and have brain fog? Oh how I hate the brain fog. It’s the worst and takes the longest to clear. Why am I so stupid?? I know better, and now I’ve got a good week of toxin recovery and beating myself up.
That being said, I haven’t told you the worst part. I feel separated from God. God has asked me to meet with him early this the morning to hang out with Him, pray and write – and here I am – feeling so unworthy… “sinner sucky.” I’m telling myself, “God won’t meet with me… I’m bad. I need to wait until I’m a better person to take up God’s time.”
Good luck with that, Julia.
So, I decided to meet with God anyway. It was a walk of shame all the way. Guess what?? God was already here waiting! As I prayed, asked forgiveness and told Him “all about it” a song came to mind, an old song from my youth… written by Keith Green.
Oh Lord, you’re beautiful. Your face is all I seek. For when your eyes are on this child. Your grace abounds to me.
I remember Adam in the garden after he sinned and ate the apple, how he didn’t go to meet with God when they always met to hang out at a certain time and place each day. Adam stood God up that day because of his sin; but God came. God showed up. God knew Adam sinned, God knew Adam felt “sinner sucky,” but that didn’t change God, it changed Adam. It was Adam who missed the meeting, not God.
Let’s get this straight… Adam totally betrayed God, abandoned God and was a no show. Why did God show up? Seeing as we’re all like Adam, why does God ever show up?
Because He wants to.
Because He loves us.
Because it’s who He is.
In Psalm 136, it states TWENTY-SIX times in row, “His lovingkindness is everlasting” and it never once says, “…. if you’re good,” or “except if you sin.”
Why? Because our God isn’t an “except” God. He’s an “and” God. He is loving AND kind AND He loves us faithfully whether we show up to be loved or not.
God’s word says, in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son so whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Often, in our hearts we add…except people who make mistakes…but that isn’t in there. Why? Because we ALL make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. “Whosoever” is anyone who shows up to the meeting and believes, perfect or not.
The point is not to focus on who we are. We’ll never “be ready” or “good enough” to show up to the meeting with God because that’s who WE are. The good news is, we can always show up to the meeting because of who GOD is. Who He is overrides everything else and allows us to come to the throne of grace anytime, anywhere, because He wants to see us. He’s loves us, and helps us, and gives us grace and mercy us no matter what because He’s God and He can and that’s just who. He. is.
Hebrews 4:6 says, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
So take heart weary sinner and go to Him.
The hemorrhaging woman didn’t wait until she was perfect to go to Jesus, and He healed her. (Mark 5:25-34)
The paralytic couldn’t wait until he was perfect to go to Jesus, his friends took him ready or not!
When Jesus called Matthew, a tax collector, to follow Him he said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matthew 9:12-13) We need to get better at mercy, both with others and ourselves. We need to get better at coming to Jesus when he calls us no matter how worthy we feel. It’s right there in red letters, out of the mouth of Jesus: He wants to meet with you. He is calling you, because you are a sinner. He knows you need Him and He wants to help you and heal you. The same goes for me.
We hear time and time again the stories of people who “came to the meeting” with Jesus regardless of their sin. Their lives were changed because at that meeting they were loved, transformed, healed, and loved. (Did I mention loved?)
And those who were a no show and stood God up? We’ll never know what God could have done if they only came to the meeting.
We have to go to God when we are a sinner. Why? Because we’ll always be a sinner and if we wait, we’ll never get there.
Don’t wait. Go to Him and be heard, be healed, and be loved.
As for the dirty dishes in the sink of your soul… why not let God do the dishes? Maybe He’ll let you dry. Or maybe, just maybe, He’s got it covered so you can rest in His love.
For reflection during your prayer time with the Lord:
Is there a reason you aren’t going to meet the Lord today? Why not? Do you know He is waiting for you? Do you know He is full of mercy?
Reflect on Psalm 116:5 and go to the meeting.
Julia Fikse is not a therapist or a doctor and this blog cannot and should not in any way replace doctors advice.
Need more support? Contact me to see if personalized health coaching with a Christian Health Coach might be a good fit for you.